BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
Ads from newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer 100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, 200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
-------------------------------------------------------------
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick
  ____________________________________
 
  TEACHER: Why are you late?
  STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
  ____________________________________
  TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
  JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
  __________________________________________
  TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
  GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
  TEACHER: No, that's wrong
  GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
  (I Love this child)
  ____________________________________________
  TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
  DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
  TEACHER: What are you talking about?
  DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
  __________________________________
  TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
  WINNIE: Me!
  __________________________________________
  TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
  GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
  _______________________________________
  TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
  MILLIE: I is..
  TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
  MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
  ________________________________
  TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
  LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
  ______________________________________
  TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
  SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
  ______________________________
  TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
  CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
 
  (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
  ___________________________________
  TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
  are no longer interested?
  HAROLD: A teacher
  __________________________________
 

 

Back